Yesterday I watched Lance Armstrong's interview and was humbled but not shocked by it. Humbled for seeing someone confess his worse sins to millions of people and apologize for a series of mistakes that are probably eating him up now. What is truly surprising in all this controversy is how long it took for Lance to get nailed. Cycling and probably most sports have a culture of doping since the days of the Cold War when the East and West competed for supremacy by injecting their athletes with sophisticated substances to enhance performance, and battling over new ways not to get caught.
Here we have once again an individual, with all character flaws that humans have, aggravated by a series of events that made him feel above everybody else, having his life investigated and judged by nearly all cycling, sports fans and cancer fighters in the planet.
In a weird way I connected Lance Armstrong to Adolph Hitler after watching a documentary where Hitler's secretary Traudl Junge shares her recollection of the years when she lived with Hitler in a Berlin bunker. Poor Lance, am I now going to call him Hitler? No, the similarities and dangers in both cases start and end with the facts below:
- Both survived "near-death" experiences and believed that God was on their side for that and therefore they were above everything in the pursuit of a mission, and therefore they were never wrong (any similarities to recent Presidents line of thinking are a mere coincidence).
- They have created a legion of blind followers who would not question anything coming from them, from humble people looking for an end to their misery to Heads of State looking for simple solutions to complex human issues such as liberty, poverty and disease.
The first book I read about Armstrong was David Welsh's "From Lance to Landis - Inside the American Doping Controversy". One of the stories Welsh shares in his book is how Lance "mandated" that Trek discontinue Greg LeMonde's bike brand, erasing part of American's cycling history after LeMonde would not testify that Lance was clean (he repeated under oath what he heard from Betsy Andreu). What kind of person does this? Any angry person is subject to making nasty mistakes that will later be regretted, and he was probably very angry because Greg shared what he knew. I side with Greg on this one, between telling the truth or lying under oath I side with telling the truth, not for the oath vote but for the truth itself, which as life teaches over and over always prevails. When I say truth I mean facts, things that ocurred, not about what one believes to be truth, which I classify as faith.
Luckily we are only talking about a bike brand and a few obscure-to-most personalities, but many big decisions are made by individuals during moments of anger that have repercussion much wider than just a bike brand discontinuation. This is where Tocqueville's observation of the wisdom of the masses might prevail, but this assumes the masses are thinking. When people justify decisions based on what others are doing they forfeit the most important human feature of all: free will.
Lance is and will always be an amazing inspiration of cancer survival. While I read Welsh's book I also read "It's Not About the Bike", Lance's life in his own words. His battle against cancer was an amazing one and the work that his foundation performs is outstanding, and we should never forget that there is always another side to any story. Looking at the Livestrong foundation's operational expenses (assuming they are real) Livestrong raised since its inception US$470 million, US$65 million of which only in 2011. This is a massive organization with people trying to make a difference, but as in every organization it needs checks and balances. Check out for yourself where the money goes:
http://www.livestrong.org/What-We-Do/Our-Approach/Where-the-Money-Goes
Every time I donate money I check how much of it is going to its cause and how much of it is used simply for its existence. If you believe the balance is good continue to give, if not keep the money for yourself, but don't blame Lance for giving him your money, we are all individuals with free will and we cannot blame anyone but ourselves for all the decisions we make, including the organizations we support.
Beware of super-heroes, they only exist in fiction but every culture in every corner of the planet has myths of heroes, so there is something inherently human about waiting for heroes to rescue us. My advice is that if you want a different world start by changing it yourself. Lance was trying to change the world in his own many times flawed way and many lined-up behind him to do so, leading to good and bad things. This is life, good and bad as always, let's keep trying to make it better than worse.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
The Importance of Never Giving Up
On Sunday I went out to run 50 minutes, time over which I usually run 10km. By minute 40 I ran out of steam, the 92 degree heat in the Sun was too much to handle, but I could not get over the fact that I did not finish the 50 minute tun I was planning.
Tonight (Tuesday) I was back on the road to finish what I started. The temperature was lower (86 degrees) and I ran in the dark and rain, definitely fresher than it was on Sunday.
For the first time since my surgery I ran for one hour, time over which I would normally run 12 km. I did not have a GPS on me to manage speed or distance, but hitting the one hour mark was an important milestone on my road to removing all my mental barriers.
My next milestone is to start swimming, tonight was raining and I did not want to get wet!
Anyway I hope this helps you understand that if something doesn't work out simply don't give up unless you know for sure that you have set an impossible goal or mission. Without knowing that the one hour mark was impossible I went out and did it.
One hour run, important milestone, many more to go. We can run with glioma! Half Marathon here we go!
Tonight (Tuesday) I was back on the road to finish what I started. The temperature was lower (86 degrees) and I ran in the dark and rain, definitely fresher than it was on Sunday.
For the first time since my surgery I ran for one hour, time over which I would normally run 12 km. I did not have a GPS on me to manage speed or distance, but hitting the one hour mark was an important milestone on my road to removing all my mental barriers.
My next milestone is to start swimming, tonight was raining and I did not want to get wet!
Anyway I hope this helps you understand that if something doesn't work out simply don't give up unless you know for sure that you have set an impossible goal or mission. Without knowing that the one hour mark was impossible I went out and did it.
One hour run, important milestone, many more to go. We can run with glioma! Half Marathon here we go!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Exercising to Cure Brain Tumor
Wow, what a ride! On Friday I received exams from a detailed MRI (with spectroscopy and perfusion) to assess whether I can interrupt or not my chemotherapy as my last MRI showed that my tumor did not grow since my surgery one year ago, and that I might be eligible to a watch and see approach. Watch and see?
While I haven't met my neurosurgeon to discuss if we could wait based on the latest MRI as he is on vacation until Jan 15 I read the technician's report to try to understand on my own what is going on.
I might be a little paranoid but two comments called my attention:
1. "One of the samples, adjunct to the posterior aspect of the surgical cavity, shows evidence of a discrete elevation of the peak hill (sorry if I butchered this one but I am not sure what is the exact translation of pico de colina) in relation to the hill, compatible with an increase in membrane turn-over, while maintaining the NAA/creatine relationship, unspecific pattern that might be related to a scarring process or eventually to the presence of a residual lesion/relapse. No evidence of abnormal peaks".
2. Thickening of the mucus layer of the paranasal cavities, with retention/polyp cysts on the maxillary sinus, being larger on the right side
The first comment freaked me out a bit with the "presence of residual lesion/relapse", or in other words the tumor could be back. The second one freaked me out with the word "polyp", particularly larger on the right side, the side of my brain tumor.
The brain can play games with us and we need to control it. In my case I have always had a feeling of water in my right ear resulting from an ear infection from when I was about 15 years old, consequence of ocean water that got into my ear. I still need to swim with ear plugs to prevent infections but the feeling of a bad ear has always been there, but now I had a reason: "polyp"!
So I did what I had to do in that situation according to my treatment book. Got on the bike on Saturday morning, under a 33 C heat (92 F) with my poor brother who just started riding, and climbed a few steep hills close to my house to get rid of the damn polyp. What an unfair treatment to my brother but as a 23 years-old he should be able to chase his 38 years-old brother. I suppose my 5 years biking were enough to break his 5 weeks biking, but he is loving it and I am loving to ride with him! If age meant anything I would not get my ass kicked by my uncle and by the MLCCC crew, many of who while approaching 60 would always kick my butt too! And people think there is an age where one can be called old. This is what I call the state-of-mind barrier, think of yourself old and you become old, think of yourself sick and you become sick.
On Sunday I ran 6K under similar heat, that should take care of the polyp. In fact I felt much better than before, nothing like exercising to cure cancer!
Today I went into the Internet to check what exactly retention/polyp cysts on the maxillary sinus meant, and here I find that it meant nothing more than something that might occur in any sinus infection.
Anyway all this preamble is meant to help me share that I truly believe that exercising can cure cancer and I will continue to subscribe to my Heat Shock Protein (HSP) treatment theory. If an increase in HSP production can help the body regenerate damaged DNA I will get back on the wagon as I have not since I was diagnosed. I am heading to the pool and will get ready for my first post brain tumor triathlon. No matter what I cannot let this thing slow me down, to the contrary I need to act quickly to prevent my life from running away from me.
I hope that 2013 brings new treatments and cures to this scary condition but that in the meantime we can all fight the good fight to get better. My father once again taught me a great lesson through his numerous Facebook posts: "Without an adversary courage languishes. It is only clear how great it is and how far its power can go when it shows, as it handles suffering, what it is capable of. It is worth knowing that good people should do the same thing: do not panic when facing adversity nor complain about destiny; whatever happens take it as a good thing, convert it into a good thing; what matters is not what you face, but how you face it." This was written by Seneca, on Divine Providence.
Ops, I was going to hit the pool but it is too late and it shut-down, so I'd better go to bed and get some rest in hopes of running tomorrow morning.
A positive attitude is everything in life, I had no idea of how great a world we are living in from a historical perspective. I just finished reading two great books, "A History of the Nations and Empires Involved and the a Study of the Events Culminating in The Great Conflict", by Logan Marshal, and "1943 - Roosevelt and Vargas in Natal", by Roberto Muylaert. It is simply amazing what a man with polio was capable of, I am more convinced that ever that Roosevelt was right, there is nothing to fear but fear itself, and he proved it over and over. We all have abilities far beyond we give ourselves credit for, and while we have life, with or without cancer, we ought to live life to the fullest, and while I can run, ride and swim I will do so at will, without of course forgetting my lovely family, friends and job!
While I haven't met my neurosurgeon to discuss if we could wait based on the latest MRI as he is on vacation until Jan 15 I read the technician's report to try to understand on my own what is going on.
I might be a little paranoid but two comments called my attention:
1. "One of the samples, adjunct to the posterior aspect of the surgical cavity, shows evidence of a discrete elevation of the peak hill (sorry if I butchered this one but I am not sure what is the exact translation of pico de colina) in relation to the hill, compatible with an increase in membrane turn-over, while maintaining the NAA/creatine relationship, unspecific pattern that might be related to a scarring process or eventually to the presence of a residual lesion/relapse. No evidence of abnormal peaks".
2. Thickening of the mucus layer of the paranasal cavities, with retention/polyp cysts on the maxillary sinus, being larger on the right side
The first comment freaked me out a bit with the "presence of residual lesion/relapse", or in other words the tumor could be back. The second one freaked me out with the word "polyp", particularly larger on the right side, the side of my brain tumor.
The brain can play games with us and we need to control it. In my case I have always had a feeling of water in my right ear resulting from an ear infection from when I was about 15 years old, consequence of ocean water that got into my ear. I still need to swim with ear plugs to prevent infections but the feeling of a bad ear has always been there, but now I had a reason: "polyp"!
So I did what I had to do in that situation according to my treatment book. Got on the bike on Saturday morning, under a 33 C heat (92 F) with my poor brother who just started riding, and climbed a few steep hills close to my house to get rid of the damn polyp. What an unfair treatment to my brother but as a 23 years-old he should be able to chase his 38 years-old brother. I suppose my 5 years biking were enough to break his 5 weeks biking, but he is loving it and I am loving to ride with him! If age meant anything I would not get my ass kicked by my uncle and by the MLCCC crew, many of who while approaching 60 would always kick my butt too! And people think there is an age where one can be called old. This is what I call the state-of-mind barrier, think of yourself old and you become old, think of yourself sick and you become sick.
On Sunday I ran 6K under similar heat, that should take care of the polyp. In fact I felt much better than before, nothing like exercising to cure cancer!
Today I went into the Internet to check what exactly retention/polyp cysts on the maxillary sinus meant, and here I find that it meant nothing more than something that might occur in any sinus infection.
Anyway all this preamble is meant to help me share that I truly believe that exercising can cure cancer and I will continue to subscribe to my Heat Shock Protein (HSP) treatment theory. If an increase in HSP production can help the body regenerate damaged DNA I will get back on the wagon as I have not since I was diagnosed. I am heading to the pool and will get ready for my first post brain tumor triathlon. No matter what I cannot let this thing slow me down, to the contrary I need to act quickly to prevent my life from running away from me.
I hope that 2013 brings new treatments and cures to this scary condition but that in the meantime we can all fight the good fight to get better. My father once again taught me a great lesson through his numerous Facebook posts: "Without an adversary courage languishes. It is only clear how great it is and how far its power can go when it shows, as it handles suffering, what it is capable of. It is worth knowing that good people should do the same thing: do not panic when facing adversity nor complain about destiny; whatever happens take it as a good thing, convert it into a good thing; what matters is not what you face, but how you face it." This was written by Seneca, on Divine Providence.
Ops, I was going to hit the pool but it is too late and it shut-down, so I'd better go to bed and get some rest in hopes of running tomorrow morning.
A positive attitude is everything in life, I had no idea of how great a world we are living in from a historical perspective. I just finished reading two great books, "A History of the Nations and Empires Involved and the a Study of the Events Culminating in The Great Conflict", by Logan Marshal, and "1943 - Roosevelt and Vargas in Natal", by Roberto Muylaert. It is simply amazing what a man with polio was capable of, I am more convinced that ever that Roosevelt was right, there is nothing to fear but fear itself, and he proved it over and over. We all have abilities far beyond we give ourselves credit for, and while we have life, with or without cancer, we ought to live life to the fullest, and while I can run, ride and swim I will do so at will, without of course forgetting my lovely family, friends and job!
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